Beyond the Wire
by Zarichka
Summary: Hong Kong hanging on to life, manages to fall in love with a deaf boy known as Iceland through a simple peice of paper. Based off of the vocaloid songs: Prisoner and Paper Plane, sung by Len Kagamine and Rin Kagamine. Rated T cuz I'm paranoid. Human names used, yaoi. During the holocaust. Slight OOC Characters
1. Chapter 1

Hi! This is my first story on fanfiction! :D It's pretty terrible, though. Half-assed story is half-assed. O_o'

Beyond the Wire

_Hopeless_. That was the single term I used to express the pure depression of it all. It was in the year 1935 when my current hell started. I live in confinement at a German concentration camp. It's an inhumane prison. This is the only place that you are completely surrounded and yet still totally a lone. Worked to the bone without a wink of sleep. There's constants shouts of pain, and begs for mercy, yet you can't hear anything at all. Mindless being that have been overworked with their consciences pushed to the furthest corner of their heads, breathe their last breaths only to be replaced with another. Some of us will never see beyond the fence. It's no longer a shock to speak with someone only to see lifeless eyes the next day.

_Death. _Death is everywhere. Blood, bodies, even some remains of cannibalism stain the floor. It's approximately 7:00 in the morning so the guards have yet to pick up the dead and drop off the new. It's horrible what they do with the dead. They open a big hole in the ground and fit as many bodies in as posible. No privacy or respect is given. I don't want to be thrown away and forgotten like the rest. I want something to be accomplish before I die and proudly say that I did enough before my death. _I don't fear death. I fear what I do before it._

_Hunger_. Hunger is an unimaginable gnawing that haunts everyone here to a mad and insane state. I've lived this life of constant starvation for so long I don't even count the days anymore. Even the strongest spirits are torn down with no fight left by hunger alone. I try to stay optimistic. At least it's not an extermination camp where death is guaranteed. _Maybe I still have a chance…_

_Stamina._ Even with my dreams and wishes of how I want to live, sometimes it just seems so easy to give up. To give in and be forgotten isn't what I want but it's what I fear I'm coming to. I feel like crying all the time but it seems like there's nothing left for me to cry. I want to run away but I'm so exhausted I can't move. I want to hide but I'm stuck in the open. Crying, running, hiding… I've done it all. I could take the easiest path and delete my existence or walk down the hardest path to grasp another day. But I know the secret about the fork in the road. To choose the easy way out is purely based on greed, while the hard path is showing consideration for the rest of the world. I chose the hardest path. _Not for myself, but for someone else._

_Kaoru._ That's who I am and no one can change that. I decided to take a break. Quietly I snuck away and took a walk. While one of the guards left their position they left a small brown paper bag. I came close and delicately reached out and swiped the bag. _Scavenger._ That's me. I've always been a fighter and I surely won't leave this world that easily. I quietly took out a sub sandwich, two apples and a half full bottle of water. I took five bites of the sandwich, one-third of one apple and two-thirds of the water. I pushed my black hair out of my eyes and swiftly yet quietly ran to some of the other slaves. Each took a sip of water, a bit of the sandwich and tiny bits of the apples. They spoke something to me in another language that might have been thank you. I was originally from Hong Kong so there was a language barrier. But even so, these people were still human and still got hungry. In the end, though, I know I can't feed them all but I'll always try_. Worth._ I always carry the burden of helping the helpless. I know it's utterly pointless but if I'm going to die I want to do all I can to make it count to others. Even if it's just to save one single person then it's all been worth it. _To see just one person smile… if every breath held meaning… every step representing someone else's chance to live… then maybe my life won't go to_ waste…


	2. Chapter 2

Still half-assed... I regret nothing. Iceland POV.

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_Soundless. _What was sound? I don't know and I may never was how I lived. It was an inability to hear that cast a shadow over my life. I couldn't live my life the way everyone else could. It hurt not being the same. But that wasn't the hardest part, those same cold eyes filled with pity made me want to scream. I live in a hospital room and I'm not allowed to leave. So, I live out my life in a cage of pure white. A cage where many tears were shed and final breaths were passed.

_Visitors. _The only ones I saw were from my father. I used to see my older brother but he soon left and stopped returning. No one else bothered to see me. Why should they? They were blessed with a gift I was not. Why should they waste their valuable time on a boy who isn't gifted enough to live happily. My older brother told me everyone brought to this world was brought here for a purpose, but he told me that on his last visit. Was it okay to believe him?

_Deceived. _I couldn't find a reason. Why am I here if I can't even do the assignment I was meant to do? Without my fifth sense I was incomplete, far too incompetent to do what the others did. I was born weak. I wasn't able to run or play like other children. I was the child constantly getting sick and in the hospital. When I was young, my limbs were so weak, my brother used to have to help me stand. I always lived in Lukas' shadow. He was perfect and what was I? The crippled boy who held him back. When he left, I felt empty. I knew it was selfish, but I couldn't stop crying. One day our paths would split and he would finally leave. He carried a future that wasn't meant for my eyes. He refused to put up with me anymore and so he turned away. Before he left, he must have known I would believe every word he spoke, because he left me with the impression that I could still accomplish something. But what can I do? I even got in the way of my family. Why did you fill me with such hope only for it to break me down? Why can't you tell me, Lukas? _Did you… __**deceive**__ me?_

_Window._ It was something I use to take for granted when my brother still came to see me. Now it became a part of me. I became fascinated with it. It was the only splash of color in my dull universe. It was a portal that lead me to a world different from the one I lived in. A world where there was life and movement. Though my window was small, it never failed to disappoint me. This world was always different every day unlike my still confinement. Everyday my want grew. I wanted that life. The life to always be changing and moving. The life to be able to see a color besides white, I wanted this the most. _Maybe someday… I can… just maybe._

_Fence. _It was always there. Even though I couldn't see beyond it, I knew there was something. There was always something interesting going on there. There were always people there but it was far enough away that I couldn't see what they were doing. The fence guarded something and day by day I became curious to see for myself. Sometimes I asked the nurses what was behind the fence but they either scowled or shrugged it off. What was out there that people avoided? Maybe it was something bad. Well good or bad, I wanted to know. I began thinking. _Tomorrow, I think it's about time I find out._

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_Yeah... Good or bad?_

_Disclaimer: I own nothing. Characters are Mr. Himaruya's._


	3. Chapter 3

I just realized I update this story every other day._. Oh well... half-assed story is fun to write.

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_Silence._ I knew it very well. Thankfully it came in handy now. I slowly pressed my feet against the cold tile floor. The feeling sent a shiver up my spine. I pushed downwards ever so slightly. Cautiously, I stood up. If I make any too loud noises, the nurses would come running in. I felt my knees wobble. I'm still so weak that it's embarrassing. I quickly slid my shoes on. I took one soft step then another. Soon I had reached the front entrance of the hospital. I lightly pressed my hand against the door. It complied and opened. I paused. I was finally leaving why couldn't I move suddenly? I stayed questioning myself_. Silence had frozen my world._

_Unfreeze. _I took a moment to pull myself together. I took one step into a universe opposite of mine. Light showered down on me. A warmth I'd never felt in such a long time stained my skin. There were plants and animals, things that people take for granted were priceless and beautiful to me. Realizing I was still in plain sight, I quickly ducked behind some trees. I sat in the shade and looked around. There was energy everywhere compared to my cold and dark world. A place where everything's colorful and active. It's like I had come back from hibernating for nine years. _The place where my heart had frozen from sorrow and pain, had thawed._

_Him. _I saw him being beaten down by some older people on the other side of the fence. No matter how many punches they threw, he would just take it and stand back up, without attacking back. He looked beyond tired and he looked… lost. He was painfully emaciated and it hurt to look at him. The older men suddenly turned to strike an older boy who had a long curly strand sticking out of his head that was… frowning? But, before the hit contacted the other, the younger boy pivoted on his heel and took the punch for the other. Once again, he quietly stood up again. Bloody and battered, he kept taking hits for the other boy without argue. Finally they walked away, saying something I couldn't hear. Once they were out of sight he dropped to his knees and just sat there. The other boy with strange hair crept away, leaving the other alone. _This boy lived a life of… horror._

_Realization. _I looked at the building not too far away from where he stood. I took a step backwards and tripped in the process. I-I know this building. I felt my eyes widen. My father is the boss here, he owns this whole place. Further beyond the fence there were more people in similar starving conditions. I felt my breath speed up until I was panting. All those years, my dad said he was doing the world a favor. What could this poor boy do that would result in this? I shook my head and tried to relax. Even if he doesn't look or act like it, he must a terrible person to be in a concentration camp_… right?_

_Communication. _He turned and glanced my way when he noticed I fell. He stood up and brushed himself off. He said something that looked like "are you okay?" I could tell because my brother asked the same thing every day when he visited me so I remember what it looked like, since I couldn't hear it. I nodded and stood up shaking slightly. He took a step closer to the fence, while I took a step back at the same time. He paused and took a step back. I took a step forward. He said something else but I couldn't hear what it was. He thought a moment before running off. After a minute I was about to walk away when he returned with a pen and a piece of paper.

_Letters._ He wrote down something before folding it in a complex way, setting the pen in it and sending it over the fence. It landed perfectly in my hands. I took the pen and opened the paper. "Hello. I'm Kaoru. Are you okay?" was written small and neatly in the corner. Surprisingly, it wasn't written in German, it was written in English which wasn't very common around here. I know both German and English, thanks to Lukas. I slowly turned the paper upside down and wrote tiny. "I'm Emil. Yes I am fine. Why are you in there?" I wrote the question shakily. I wasn't sure I wanted the answer. What if it's something terrible?! Anyway I folded the paper, not as neatly as Kaoru did but well enough to fly. I set the pen inside and tossed it over lightly. Thankfully it didn't hit the fence but it landed a little farther away from him that I had aimed for. He walked over to it. I felt a bit guilty since he walked with a small limp, probably because he had gotten beaten down only ten minutes ago. He scanned over it before writing something down and sending it over. "Hello, Emil. I'm here because of my religion. I'm sorry you had to see what happened a little while ago. Where are you from?" I felt guilt settling in my stomach. All this time a believed he was a bad person… I wrote my reply and sent it back.

"I live in the hospital down the street. I was born deaf so I can't hear you."

"Oh. I'm sorry about that, I shouldn't have asked."

"No, it's okay. Why were those people hurting you?"

"I didn't want them hurting everyone else. Why did you come here? Won't you be in trouble?"

"Probably. I haven't been outside in nine years so I just thought I'd explore. How about you? Aren't you hurt?"

Kaoru paused a moment. He sighed and continued writing.

"Well at one point I lived someplace far away but then some people came and I went many places. Ghettos, experimentation labs, other concentration camps… and someday an extermination camp. I'm always hurting and I don't really have a future. But being hurt is not going to stop me from trying to make one."

I read this and flinched. I looked up from the paper. He pushed his black hair out of his face and smiled at me. I reread the last two sentences over and over and over. It made me feel like all my worries were gone. Was this happiness? We continued passing the plane back and forth until I decided it was time to go back.

"Good bye." I wrote and sent my last letter and turned away. _Maybe you're right._

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_Disclaimer: I own nothing._

_Is this story even any good?_


	4. Chapter 4

This one almost made me cry as I wrote it. :'( Enjoy...

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_Gone_. With a small flick of his wrist, he tossed the plane back to my side of the fence. I unfolded it and felt my insides turning. "Good bye" was written neatly on the edge. I looked up to see he had turned away from me. He took light steps back towards the hospital that he came from. Every step putting more distance between us. I felt myself shaking for a reason that even I didn't know. I tried to calm down. I'd had only known him less than a day so never seeing him shouldn't be a big deal… right? I've seen so many leave me behind. From family to friends to innocent young children, each leaving for their own reasons like death or separation. For some reason, though, I felt hurt as he left with a cheerful smile on his face. A hurt much different from abandonment but it hurt in all the same ways. When he'd finally vanished from my sight, I felt the strain on my body from my daily ounce of torturing. For some reason, when you were around all my problems were gone, but once you left like everyone else did it hurt twice as much. _Was I hurting because you left?_

_Rain._ I walked over to a tree stump and rested back on it. It started raining. I let it wash my face. I don't know how long I sat there, but I awoke to some children I had been stealing food for, tugging on my sleeve. It was still raining and their clothes were drenched though they weren't thirsty so they must have drank the rain water. I looked up at the clouds who. _Whoever you are up there, thank you for quenching these children's thirst_. That didn't mean they weren't hungry, though. I tiredly looked back at their begging faces. No matter how much I tried to feed them they were still always hungry. I continued sitting there for a minute thinking how easy it would be to ignore their pleas and rest. I groaned and stood up. The rain was going to make things much harder considering how squishy the ground was now. Quickly, I looked around for something, anything. I grabbed a glass bottle and threw it as hard as I could. It shattered loudly on the floor. Three guards left their positions to go check out the noise. I quickly snatched up their lunches. I took a banana and a slice of bread. I fed the others with what I had left. I went to sleep satisfied. _Thanks to the rain, they could live to see another day._

_Waiting. _I felt pathetic as I stood next to the fence. I had just got my daily dose of abuse, yet instead of leaving; I stood believing that the boy with violet eyes would come again today. After an hour of waiting in the still pouring rain I dropped to my knees and punched the ground. Stupid! Why did I think anyone would waste their time on a prisoner?! I felt some small tugs on my shirt. I looked down at the small, hungry children. I stood up and rested my hand on their heads.

"I have to be more mature, don't I? I have a job to do and I can't keep dreaming about someone who won't come back to me." Even as I told myself this I still couldn't get you out of my mind. _I knew deep down that I was still waiting. Not physically, but mentally. And it bothered me._

_Difference. _I ran off from stealing more food in the rain. Your image had implanted itself in my mind. The way you were very white and clean, similar to an angel, colored every thought I had. I gasped as I tripped on a large branch and fell into the mud. I looked at the bag I was carrying. It was soggy and covered in mud. I was about to stand up when I felt a sharp pain in my ankle. I sat and looked myself over. There was a gash in my right ankle, I had some cuts on my fingertips which weren't that bad, and my clothes were covered in mud. I thought of you for a moment. We're from two completely different worlds. You're so innocent and perfect while I'm filthy and can't even feed some starving children. I felt an anger boiling inside that was aimed towards myself. _I'm always waiting for you to come close, but no matter how close we come, we'll always be worlds apart. _

_Empty. _I felt my face getting red in frustration. I tried to calm down and stood up. There was another sharp pain in my ankle. I limped over to the stump I sat by daily. The rain kept falling and I dropped to my knees. The children I'd had been feeding rushed over to see what I'd brought. I gave them their food and stood up. A girl was kneeling down where the other children had once been. It was hard to see what she was doing through the rain. I limped over to her. Suddenly I comprehended what was before my eyes. The little girl was crying over a tiny baby that had dull eyes. I walked over and sat next to the lifeless baby. I held out my hands to her. She timidly rested her hands on mine. We closed our eyes and prayed in our heads to the beat of raindrops. It felt as if the world stopped and prayed with us. When I opened my eyes I noticed she was looking back at me with exhausted eyes. I stood up and slowly held her hand as we walked back to the others. Once I had walked back, the little children tugged on my sleeve hoping to receive more to eat. I sat against the stump. My ankle was in so much pain that I'm not fast enough to bring them any more food for today. I shook my head sadly at them. One by one, they all leaned against the stump and in my lap. I felt hollow and emotionally drained. _Every emotion I had, had been washed away by the rain and I was left with nothing, not even a shred of hope. Will you come back to me? _

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_Good or bad? Is it possible to have too much emotion in a story?_

_Disclaimer: Totally disclaiming._


	5. Chapter 5

Bleh! It's a short chapter of stupid. This one is extreemly rushed and half-assed. Enjoy, I guess.

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_Return. _I quietly walked back to my room. I took a shower as I did every day and slid into bed. Even though to a normal person, going outside was a simple thing to me it was like going to another planet. I had seen and touched many things I didn't believe I would ever again. I wanted to go outside again and feel the warmth. _Deep down, I craved the outside._

_Other side._ I rolled over on to my side. I thought back about my whole day. I actually saw what the fence concealed. On the other side was my father's work place. It was a place that held people captive. It injured people for a small reason, religion. It hurt to think about. People knew this was happening yet they didn't care. Even though they weren't the ones hurting others, the people who let it happen without a care in the world were disgusting. I sighed. Why should I let this bother me? Even though I care, there's nothing a little deaf boy could do about it. I closed my eyes_. I can't let this bother me; I'm not someone living on that side so I shouldn't care. It's too bad that I do._

_Without. _I woke up still thinking about of the most bothering things was that boy I saw on the other side of the fence. He was so caring even though I could tell he was suffering. I learned what happens at that building. People go there and never come back. He even said he understood these things in one of his letters and yet he wasn't scared. Heck, it didn't even seem to bother him. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. I listened and jumped when I saw a ray of lightning outside my window. It was raining. I always got sick in the rain. I sighed well I won't be able to go outside today. I noticed something outside my window and squinted my eyes. They widened when I realized what it was. The boy I had met yesterday was standing next to the fence in the rain. There was a cluster of children around him too. There were about 23 children. They were all drenched and frail. They slept huddled together in his lap. Since there was no shelter, they had to sleep in the open rain. _He was waiting me._

_Helpless. _I woke up that morning the same way I woke up every morning. I looked outside to see the rain still pouring down. The boy and the little children were still by the fence. He was covered in mud and had a gash across his ankle. He limped slightly giving each child a few morsels of food. He left for a minute before returning with a little girl with tears in her eyes. After eating the little bit of food, the children tugged on his sleeves. He simply shook his head 'no' and sat down. He leaned against the stump pressing his hands against his injured ankle as all the small children settled in his lap and around the stump. Their soggy clothes hung down on their skinny bodies as they fell asleep in the rain. I wanted to do something, anything! _All I can do hope you'll be okay and find out in another time._

_Over. _I was reading a book when I tilted my head up to the most beautiful sight. It was a sight that used to bore me, now it was hope. Nothing._ The rain had stopped_. I quickly slid on my shoes and quietly snuck out side. I paused and swiped a pen and a large stack of paper. I stepped through the exit as I felt the sunlight hit my skin. I looked up and saw a light rainbow. I believe it's a good sign. I walked faster and faster until I was running down the hill. It felt amazing. The last time I had run that fast was when Lukas challenged me to a race. The race ended badly, when I tripped over a bird bath. I walked over to the fence. He wasn't there so I assumed he went off to get food for those children. I sat in the shade of a tree and stretched slightly. I started my first letter while I was waiting. I actually wasn't disappointed that he wasn't there. _It's my turn to wait for you._

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Good or bad?

Disclaimer: Once upon a time there was a disclaimer. She owned nothing. The end.


	6. Chapter 6

Yay! Happy chapter! Sorry I haven't been updating to much, I was practicing for my brown belt exams in karate. I got it though! :D

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_Refreshed. _I looked up. A rainbow dusted the sky. I felt so content once the rain was over. It wasn't hot nor was it cold. I really just wished I could be free from this prison then, because if I was I would have considered this day perfect. I thought back on all the things I did when I still had a home. I would play with my older siblings or my pets and live the day leisurely. Too bad things don't happen the clichéd way you hope them to. I sighed and looked up at the sky. I shouldn't feel sorrow today; the weather is perfect, the rain cleaned me off, and a lot of the violent guards take Fridays off. _Good, a nice easy day._ I felt a small pull on my sleeve. _Oh yeah, that's right I still need to feed these children. _At least from the rain, the children won't be too thirsty. I ran off to go find something for them to eat. I actually felt better than usual. It was as if a ton of bricks was lifted off my shoulders_. _All my problems yesterday were solved with gifts today. I lived another day and was granted with something simple yet important. _I was stronger_.

_Come back. _I returned with some easily stolen food from the guards. They must have been new to have left their posts so easily. This day was getting better and better. It was as if the world decided to give me a break. Or maybe it was luck finally kicking in. Either way things were looking in my favor for today. I set down the things I had managed to swipe. Each child received a generous amount of food… well more than yesterday that is. I stretched. My job was done for the day. I was about to take a nap by the tree stump till I noticed something on the ground_. A paper air plane._ I walked over and picked it up. Every bit of tiredness was abandoned. I read it out loud to no one in particular. "_I'm back."_

_Learning. _I looked up to see the boy I had met not too long ago. I quickly wrote "I'll be right back" on the letter and tossed it over. I snatched some blank paper and a pen, and then ran back. I walked back over as a wall of relief hit me. _He was still there_. I smiled slightly. He nodded and tossed the paper over. "Good morning" was written neatly on it. I grabbed a sheet and wrote back. "Fine. I was wondering why you came back." I tossed it over. He stopped a moment and thought.

"Because I saw you waiting for me, from my window." I read. I felt a little embarrassed but I was too happy to show it. I wrote down things at random.

"Oh, sorry. But I was wondering why you came if you don't even know me."

"Well, then if you tell me about yourself, I will tell you about myself."

"Alright. I'm Kaoru. I live in a concentration camp, I love fireworks and I'm the youngest of seven."

"I'm Emil. I live in a hospital, I love birds and I have one older brother."

We got closer with each and every letter. Every new bit of information stuck with us. And those were the first things I learned about him_. _The things that started the collision of our lives. _Two worlds connected by a piece of paper..._

_Routine. _It was one of those things that you always fall into no matter how many times they change. Every day I stole food or tried anyways. Then you would come and we would give each other letters. Then you would leave again. It was a routine that I questioned. People always do something more than once so they mark a special time in which it happens. There are some people who live their days all the same to where each day is more like a boring time loop. It's as if there really is no time at all, and everything is just a shadow in which muscle memory controls everything. Then there are also those types of people that only do some things the same day to day. They have a simple and organized life in which everything is secure. It's an interesting routine that's different day to day, but still has similar occurrences. Then finally, there are those with an unstable, busy life. There's almost nothing similar every day besides the fact that you lived them. Some people love the new challenges and differences, but everyone has their breaking point. Control and repetition is in every human's life. Without a steady rhythm, it's only a matter of time before it's over bearing and sooner or later, everything has slipped from your grasp. I've lived all three routines since I was taken from my home, but it still makes me wonder. _Is this one worth it?_

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Well, maybe not quite so happy... :( Good or bad?

Disclaimer: one day the Princess of Disclaiming disclaimed.


	7. Chapter 7

I finally got around to adding a new chapter. Since I have to start school tomorrow, I won't update as much any more... Well enjoy, I guess...

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_Collection. _Every day we continued giving each other letters. Sometimes they made me laughed, sometimes they made me cry. No matter what, I always kept them. I soon had countless amounts of letters and planes. Some days my condition was extra cruel and I couldn't leave the room, or it rained, but I could reread the precious words you would write to me and everything felt at peace. All my shelves and drawers that were usually empty now had abundant amounts of papers I wouldn't give up for the world. Whenever I felt alone or lost hope, your letters were there to shine light again. I was surrounded by simple little items that made a world of difference_. A parade of written emotions._

_Caught. _I made a mistake. I'm sorry. I wasn't expecting the visit I got from my dad, but it happened. Before we started our hobby of writing to each other, I was going downhill fast. Everyday my body was getting weaker and weaker. I had decided life wasn't worth it. Then that one day… I met you. Everything changed. My condition was getting better and I had energy. You breathed life into me without even opening your lips. You broke the bars of my cage without using any strength. You smashed our worlds together with only aim and an over hand motion. You had a strong impact on my life, yet I messed up. One day I lifted my head off my pillow to see my father's angry face as he scanned over one of the letters. He tore up every letter you gave me and… I didn't stop him… I didn't stop him from destroying all the letters you wrote. All the time and effort you used to make sure those letters were perfect… was wasted. He roared at me yelling that I could never see you again. I had never cried so hard until that day. It was like telling me to never be happy again. _He had found out about our friendship and now we had to suffer for it._

_Love. _I learned about that not too long ago. I never really gave the emotion too much thought. It was one of those idiosyncratic feelings that you usually push to the back of your head. Well until it impacts you like a freight train, that is. As much as I didn't want to believe it, I felt something stronger than I had ever felt before. Approximately two months ago, my father had told me that I wasn't allowed to see you, yet I sneak out every day. I don't even know why I do it. Why did I go to such extreme lengths to see a prisoner? Am I really that pathetic or is it something else? I've known you for about eleven months now and now you're everything I think about. Now that I think about it… what is it about you that I like so much? Maybe it's your smile? Or your confidence? Maybe even both? I wonder how you see yourself. Is it the bright and sweet boy I see? All these unanswered questions. Actually I think I do know the answer_. I love you and everything you do, but I'll never say it out loud._

_Illness. _Times are getting hard. I've come to a point where I can't walk the way I used to and I don't eat much. I always get bad migraines when I move around. I've lost close to all my strength. I used to be doing so well… I'm not sure what happened… Everything fell apart that day when I realized it was getting hard to write. Sometimes I pick my pencil to just hover it over the paper and cry. I only visit you once a week now. It's come to a point where all I want is to just sleep… and never wake up. But I always come to you on Fridays. The only reason I don't comply with 'ending it' is because I don't want to leave you. I want to see the day when the barrier is gone. I dream about this day all the time. I would walk over to you and finally break the distance. My last chapter would finally be written. I would finally finish the race. I have finally done as he suggested the first day we met. And I would say… _I did it. I made my future._

_Ending. _I had no regrets. I know that I won't live my dream. I'll… never make it out of here. I quietly put on my coat and shoes. Well if I'm going to leave this world I at least want to say good bye to my friend. We usually give each other 6-23 letters every day depending on how ill or well I'm feeling, but today I picked up only one letter. I walked to the fence as I always do. He smiled back at me as he did every visit. He held his pencil in his skinny fingers, while he had a small stack of paper by his feet. He always looked even more emaciated every time I visited, yet he always was so happy to see me. I nodded and forced a smile. I took so much effort to hold back my tears. _No I have to be brave and I can't let you see my tears!_ I lifted my arm and tossed the plane. I was so weak it just barely made it over the fence, but it took a lot of effort. He looked at the small note. It wasn't my average whole page letter, it was only two sentences. "I'm sorry, but I'll be leaving to some place far away and I'll never be coming back. Good bye." Was what I had written. He looked at the letter and tilted his head sideways cutely. I smiled and turned around. I heard my heart beating rapidly as I took a step away.

"I'LL BE WAITING FOR YOU!" I stopped and froze. I felt my hands tremble slightly. I… I actually _heard_ something. But I was deaf… I can't hear… right? "Until… you come back to me. …Please don't leave." I turned to look at him. He looked broken and desperate. I felt tears in my eyes and quickly turned my back once again. I took a few more steps away. "These letters!" He yelled to get my attention. "…If I promise to treasure and keep them, every single one, …then… will you… come back to me?" I kept walking farther and farther away. _No, I can't come back_.

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Good or bad?

Disclaimer: The young disclaimer was VERY bored one day and started stacking oranges on people's heads... and then disclaimed.


	8. Chapter 8

I posted this half-assed so PLEASE tell me if I misspelled something!

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_Wants. _I realized every emotion and feeling bounced off you. When you were sad, I wanted to cry for you so tears would never leave your eyes. When you were happy, I wanted to laugh with you. I couldn't understand it, but it was a truth I realized. When you were sick I always felt an extreme gnawing in my chest. I wanted to help you and be there for you, like the way you came to me. All these wants felt more like needs… in the end they're ignored like always, but one day…_they'll all be heard_.

_Love. _I came to except the fact that I held an unnatural love for someone. Sometimes I questioned this. Was I just meant to be so different? It wasn't exactly bothering though. Why? That was all I ask. I didn't regret the feeling nor did I feel joyous about it. I just had one question yet it had an answer I had yet to discover. I used to think the questionable feeling was jealousy, but the second you made your beautiful smile I knew there was something else behind it. I also used to believe that I couldn't be happy, no matter how much I wanted to. I relooked my situation religiously but no matter what, you always brought a smile to my usual stoic face. I never really understood love all that much, so I'm creating my own definition. An emotion that I only share with you_. It's a magic sensation that brings hell closer heaven._

_Farther. _You brought me an endless trail of happiness. Yet one day you ripped that path right out from under my feet. It's been several months since I met you that day, though it feels as if I've known you for years. It was hard for me to imagine that there was ever a time where you weren't by my side… well that all changed. You trudged over slowly instead of your usual walk. I decided to ignore it and held up my pencil ready to write to each other as we always do. You looked at me blankly then struggled to smile. You threw only one letter shakily and it almost didn't make it over the fence. "I'm sorry, I'll be leaving to some place far away and I'll never be coming back. Good bye." I tilted my head slightly. This isn't right… it couldn't be right. You're leaving me? But where? Was I not enough? I looked up and noticed you had turned away from me. I should have known this was coming! I should have known I would be left to fend for myself again! But I… I didn't. You had taken a step from me and I impulsively called out to you. It was my last chance!

"I'LL BE WAITING FOR YOU!" I yelled as loud as I could. You stopped moving. Could you… hear me? I thought you couldn't hear… I decided to use this to my advantage. I fell on my knees and lowered my voice slightly. "Until… you come back to me. …Please don't leave." I used to believe we were even. We both had to watch the world from the sidelines. We couldn't be like the other children and we were both alone. Yet there would come a time when you would be able to cross the lines, but for me, I was permanently banished from that freedom. Even though I knew this in my read it just wasn't occurring to the rest of me. You continued away. There had to be some way you'd hear me! "These letters!" I yelled. You kept going but at a slower pace. "If I promise to treasure and keep them, every single one, then… will you… come back to me?" You kept going farther and farther. I wanted to say more but anything I would have said would be wasted breathe. _There was no turning around now._

_Promise. _It's been a month since you left. All those days we spent together never came back into my life. All I can do is hope that you decided to promise to come back. It all is beginning to feel like a dream …or an illusionary world that never occurred in my life. I sometimes wrote letters by habit or when I'm clinging on to the chance that maybe one day you'll get to read it someday. I reread your letters all the time to reassure myself that I'm not insane. I used to feel so happy reading your letters but now I only feel loss. You were my perfect and flawless angel. You could have asked anything of me and I would do it. You could have lied to me and I would believe everything you said. I would fight nail to nail and tooth to tooth if it meant I could see you again. Even just a glance would be fine. I'll keep every letter to see you. I would even carry them to my grave with hope to see you in the afterlife. I promise even if you don't. I'd sacrifice a lot for you, but I wonder if you would. Even if you wouldn't I still would. _I guess love does make people promise bat-shit crazy things. _

_Torn. _I walked over to my tree stump after my daily dose of torture and abuse. Every part of me froze. Two of the guards grabbed my arms and twisted them behind my back. I jerked my head up and noticed a third guard reading one of my letters. No! My eyes widened as ripped the paper slowly in half. I felt myself shaking in their grip as they laughed at me. NO! I made a promise! And just like that, I snapped. I pulled out of the guards grip and jumped after the third. I punched him on to the ground with more power than I thought I had at the moment. I yanked the letter from his hand while dodging some blows from the other two guards. I stared at the tiny bits of paper that were so important_. I… I didn't keep my promise_…

_Banished. _I screamed and cried. I banged on the door. Anyone?! Couldn't anybody hear me?! I was locked into this tiny room. It was empty and dark. There were no windows so most people when sent into one of these rooms suffocate. I knew there was no hope now. Before I knew it, all my fight and will was gone. I leaned against the wall and slid down into a sitting position. Where..? Where had I messed up? I used to believe all I had to do was have confidence and things would be okay, but there was much more than that. Everything I had been working towards had disappeared. The children I had been feeding will starve now, my only chance I had to see you again is gone and now… _I was going to die here_.

_Regret. _What did I have left? Nothing. No future, no hope, not even any dreams. I had been in this cell for five days now. I suddenly got a bad migraine. I collapsed on my hands and knees. My stomach was empty and it was getting hard to breathe. For once I actually felt afraid. I didn't do anything! I wasted my life… I had accomplished nothing. Every breathe I've taken was wasted… everything I did held no meaning what so ever. I wanted to die with a clean slate though. I sat down and looked up at the dark ceiling.

"Whoever's out there, thank you. Thank you for giving me a chance at this game of life." I stopped to cough. "In the end though, I lost the game, but I learned a lot so I have no regrets." I felt lighter and I was leaned against the wall. "I learned happiness and loyalty" I coughed some more as my vision blurred. "And I fell in love with someone. And maybe if I'm extremely lucky I'll see him again." I smiled to myself. "I'll see him. I know I will. But this time it'll be someplace better. Somewhere beyond the wire." I took in a small breath and exhaled. …And I never took another one.

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Good or bad?

Disclaimer: One day the young disclaimer put on a maid costume... and then disclaimed on a flying potato.


	9. Chapter 9

Hey guys! I'm so sorry! School started and all my free time was thrown out the window! But don't worry, I'm in good health and ready to present you all a new chapter. :) Enjoy~!

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_For never. _Things went back to the way there were before. It's been several weeks now since I've stopped seeing you. I had no will, and every strand of hope was mutilated when I remembered that I couldn't walk. I was just a waste of time now. I hated everything. All your letters will go to waste now… all because of me… I can do close to nothing and I feel so much pain. All my dreams are just that, dreams. An idealistic thought that will one day be forgotten. If I don't dream them, who will? These dreams were dreamt by an unlucky person. Every thought of breaking the wires and steel bars… _these are the dreams… that weren't met to come true_.

_Invisible. _I lifted my head off my pillow, which in turn, sent a sharp pain through my body. I pushed myself into a sitting position. I rested my hand against my pillow. I couldn't feel it… I looked down at my hands. It's hard to believe that these used to deliver letters. The fact that my legs had at once ran on hundreds of missions to send parcels over a barrier, sounded more like fiction to my soundless ears. In fact, my grasp on reality seemed to be slipping, but I could care less. It's not like anyone cared. I began building on that thought. No one really knew of my existence. The only people who had knowledge that I walked this earth is my family, the nurses, and… well… you_._ I started stringing all these thoughts together. If no one knows I lived, then nobody would know that I died… what would happen to me then? _ I live in a world in which I am non-existent._

_So close. _I suddenly started coughing. The pain was so intense that my vision was blurring much more… I blacked out. …I opened my eyes to look around. My throat felt like it was set ablaze. Apparently, I'm still in bed. I felt like I was being forced to breathe as an oxygen mask pressed against my face. I winced slightly in pain. It felt horrible. My head was hurting terribly so that my white room looked pitch black. For some reason, something triggered in my mind_. I was… dying_.

_Memorable. _I felt my breath quicken. I didn't want it to end here. I wanted something- anything! I forced myself into a sitting position. It can't just end! I wanted to scream to my sub-conscience that it was wrong; that I still had so much to do, but… that would be a lie. I felt tears coming to my eyes. I wanted to see you again. I shouldn't have stopped seeing you! I shouldn't have been so brave. Why did I do that?! I wanted to see you smile one more time. I couldn't take It. The best moments in my life were when I could see you. …Every detail was so vivid_. I abandoned my favorite person… The person I love._

_Questioning. _These thoughts… the ones I'm thinking right now. They were going to be my last. I could barely think past my internal aching, but I managed to process some questions. What were you doing? Were you sad that I left? Where was Lukas? Does he even remember me… does he even care that I'm dying? The last time I saw you… what did your letters say? The ones you had in your hand_. I could only wonder…_

_Rhythm. _I could feel the pulsing of my heart. It was slow and strained. How much longer until it stops? _Beat… beat… beat…_ It cycled endlessly. Suddenly my lungs closed up. I arched my back and gasped for air. Not even the oxygen mask was doing anything. I dragged my finger nails down the sheets as I struggled to move. I made a muffled scream. This was how it all ends I suppose. I nestled down into the sheets_. Beat… beat_… Soon it'll stop. _Beat… beat_… and I will be no more. No longer alive, no longer the hospital patient with zero visitors, no longer Lukas's flesh and blood. _Beat_… _Beat… _ No longer on this earth, no longer Emil. _Beat… Beat_… But no matter where or who I am I will always be your friend, the one on the other side of the fence. _Beat…_

_…and then it stopped._

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Good or bad? I think there will be ONE more chapter after this. I also think this is my shortest chapter... yet it's got a character death... O.o Perhaps i'm brain-dead.

Disclaimer: The sweet little disclaimer created a theory, exclaiming "It's a theory!"... and then disclaimed.


	10. Chapter 10

This is it... the last chapter to my first ever fanfiction... enjoy~!

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_Clear. _I slowly opened my eyes. Where… am I? I pressed my palms delicately under me to push myself into a sitting position. The ground was cold and so the contact sent shivers through my body. I pushed some of my hair out of my face. Glancing around, I remembered. The last thing I could remember was… my last heartbeat. Thoughts started bombarding my head. I could remember… everything! My whole life from start to finish, the good and the bad, and the one person I could never forget. _Every single detail of my life appeared before my eyes._

_ The gate. _I stood up, gently. It felt almost unreal. For as long as I could remember, standing was so incredibly hard and painful. I suppose that since I am no longer human, all the things that held me back then don't affect me now. I slowly took tiny steps to get use to the feeling. I wondered around and around in what appeared to be a blank room. It seemed like it was simply a white room with a small breeze coming from somewhere. Out of the corner of my eyes I noticed a large black set of double doors. I reached out cautiously to open but they were stuck. I pushed with all my strength again and again. Every time I tried, I couldn't get them open. I gasped slightly. Another obstacle to stand in my way!? What am I supposed to do now?! Stay here? I couldn't just stay in this room for all eternity! I frantically pounded my fists against the doors in hope that someone on the other side would hear me_. But there was a difference, this barrier didn't keep me out, it kept me in._

_Defeated. _This wasn't the human world, it was one of emptiness. One where now, I have the abilities I didn't have at one time, but I can't use them. One where time doesn't exist and things are permanent. I sunk down to my knees. Permanent… I'd be this world forever. The breeze in the room suddenly shifted from a light blow to a cold loud wind. The wind cut across my face so fast it almost hurt. I curled up to try and warm myself but it wasn't working. I felt all my energy drain away. I can no longer control anything. I lost to the gate in the human world and now I've lost to this one. _I didn't win and I don't think I ever will._

_"Oh, you're here."_

I jerked my head up to see a familiar wide long fence before me. On the other side stood a boy. I felt the corners of my mouth tilt upwards and droplets of water trickling down my face. He smiled back at me before standing up. I stand still too shocked to move.

_"I've been waiting for you, but I didn't expect to see you so soon."_ He says is a light and soft voice. He walked up to the bars and slowly extended his hand which slips through the bars easily. Slowly step by step I came closer to the bars. The cold white floors lead me on and finally… I timidly reached my hand out. I stopped and fidgeted expecting something to happen. And finally a rested my hand on top of his. I suddenly felt a strong but gentle tug on my arm and I stumbled forwards… right into his arms. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders as the sound of crashing metal resonated around us. Frantic, I scrunched my eyes closed and leaned in against him. The sound was so intense; it was as if the heavens were being ripped into shreds.

Then just as soon as it started, the sound had quieted. I opened my eyes quietly and looked around. Scraps of metal littered all over the ground and barrier… it was gone. _I had waited for this moment for so long. When I could finally be free of the fence that split up apart. Everything I had dreamed of all my life… happened that exact moment._

_The place where dreams come true. _I felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. He stood up and looked around with me.

_"It's finally gone…" _The boy says in his whispery voice.

I nodded. I felt my face heat up when I noticed he still had his arms around me. He noticed too and removed his arms from my shoulders. Instead he turned around and smiled.

_"I can't believe we're finally done_." He said as he sighed in relief. _How was he her_e? As if reading my thoughts he continued.

"_Like I told you, I'll be waiting._" He replied quietly.

He took my hand gently in his and we walked over to the two black doors. It was about time to go. We placed our palms on the doors

_Strength. _Because you were there, I could smile. We were ripped apart by the darkness of our lives only to have it put us back together. After all the time we spent, it was finally worth something. We were granted the gift of being lifted away. Away from the earth that broke us and to the faraway place where evil cannot reach. Not even regret in admitted. Two worlds connected by a simple folded piece of paper. That was how we lived our lives and how we ended them. We never lost sight of who we were, and that is _true strength_.

We both took a deep breath…_ and pushed the doors open._

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Ugh, writing this story was SUCH an emotional rollercoaster. I think I WILL start taking request if anyone really likes my work at all. So... Good or bad?

Disclaimer: The young disclaimer read this story and started crying... and disclaiming.


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